If we do this out of loneliness or fear of ending up alone,

When we seek validation in a partner just to finally feel loved, accepted, and worthy,

When our partner represents the meaning of life, happiness, or completeness,

When we think a partner will heal all our childhood wounds and give us everything we were deprived of by our parents, when we think they will cure or save us,

Then unfortunately we are acting from ego and selfish reasons. In reality, we do not genuinely care for the other person, but for ourselves.

We want to fill the emptiness inside, to distract ourselves, to run away from uncomfortable emotions.

Unfortunately, this will never truly work… maybe only temporarily during the honeymoon phase. But as the relationship progresses, the suppressed issues will erupt like a volcano, often in an even worse form. Relationships are, after all, a mirror.

If we search from the emptiness within, because we “need” it for our own happiness, we will always face only two outcomes:

  1. We won’t find anyone, or

  2. We will attract the wrong or harmful people, who reflect our unhealed wounds.

We can become prey to narcissists and manipulators who exploit this vulnerability for their own gain. When you “need” something, it’s easier to be controlled.

With self-love, we learn our own worth and consequently do not allow just anyone into our world.

Only when we heal most of our childhood wounds, resolve attachments with our primary family, and feel content with ourselves—without relying on others—does searching on dating sites, in bars, etc., become unnecessary.

At that point, love finds us on its own, because that’s what we radiate. Spontaneously, unexpectedly.
After all, like attracts like.